Graduating?

Well it has been a little while since my last blog. I am kinda stressin’ about life and feel the need to blog. I promise this won’t be a complaining/venting blog though.

Currently I will be graduating from college in sixteen days. I have one paper that is hanging over my head and kinda determines me graduating but other than that the semester has been a good one.  It is so weird to think that the day is so close. College has been interesting for me. I couldn’t really make up my mind on where I wanted to be and because of that it took me five years instead of four. I started out in a program called Everfree Master’s Commission for two years and then went to Valley Forge Christian College for one year. I chose to take the “christian education” path because it was and is something I highly valued. But then I decided I wanted a break from the path I was on and went to Long Island University C.W. Post. My first taste of the real world honestly since high school. I know people say that the school you attend isn’t really what makes you sheltered but rather your upbringing. I think it’s a little of both.

So I went to Post. I wanted to get an education that was truly respected by people already in the career path I was pursuing, and I wanted to really feel like I was about to be twenty-one years old. And I did. I experienced life, for myself. And I realized I’d trade it all in, everything I ever wanted, everything this world could offer me, for one day with Jesus. For one minute with Jesus. Nothing compared to his love for me. Nothing. I didn’t want to deny what God had for me because I was afraid of surrendering to him. I learned that surrendering to him was the only thing I could do.

So that’s what I did. And I kinda had to pick up the pieces you know. I had to look at them and say how did this get here? Why do I want it here? How come I can’t let go of it? And then slowly I had to give the pieces to God. And I’m still working on it. Everyday. At least right now I am more aware and instead of kinda faking myself out if that makes sense, I am more willing to just lay down my pride each day. Because I realize that I am human and am very prone to making mistakes. I need a savior. I don’t choose a savior because it looks good on my resume. No, I really, really, really need Jesus.

So right now I am kinda just finishing up and looking forward to the future. I am waiting to hear about what I will be doing next and I am nervous, anxious, and very excited. But I am learning, even though sometimes I don’t want to is that what matters most is not my attempted plans but instead simply loving Jesus day in and day out,  trusting that he is in control and has way better thoughts, ideas, and plans than I could ever think up not for me, but for all of us.

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